Conversations with my mother

If insanity is hereditary, I swear to the Gods I'm adopted. Both my parents are sane, rational people. How in the hell did they end up with a daughter who looked up the definition of "drama queen" as a fetus, and decided HEY! that sounds like a lot of fun!

I started out with frosted hair. Seriously, I had brown hair with blonde tips when I was born. Mom took credit for that one, but I Totally crawled out of the womb one night and applied the bleach myself.

I can remember being about 2, and Mom was yelling at me for some minor infraction of the rules like, oh, putting a fork in an outlet, and thinking "wow, Mommy has really pretty hair. I wish my hair was that pretty."

When I was a kid, and I couldn't find my bookbag before school, it was THE END OF THE WORLD! seriously, the planet was going to come to a grinding halt because Kit couldn't find her spelling book that she left under the chair in the living room. (see, I needed my spelling book, because I hadn't actually done my homework, and was planning on doing it on the busride to school. If I missed the bus, mom wouldn't let me get away with doing my homework in the car, plus I wouldn't have enough time. and if I didn't have the book, homework did not get done, and the nuns would get that nasty wrinkle between their eyes again, and it just. wasn't. pretty.)

Things I learned the hard way:

If I'm 7 and I slam my door repeatedly to let mom know that I'm pissed off, after about the third slam, my 6' 2" father will be standing RIGHT THERE. Nothing fouls up a good hissy fit like a dose of "Knock. It. Off." delivered in a deep baritone.

Just because I think that jumping down the laundry chute is fun, doesn't mean my 2 year old little brother will.

If I don't clean up my room in a timely fashion, I will come home to find most of my toys in the trash, and no amount of crying, screaming, begging and pleading will get them back.

I SO didn't have Veruca Salt's parents. "I want it NOW" would have resulted in a fatherly pat.
on the backside.
with a wooden spoon.

The mother's curse works. Mom wished kids "who act exactly like you do" on me and now? I call her to let her know what her grandsons have done lately, and the woman laughs and laughs and laughs. "really? my oldest grandson called you a horrible mother, and stalked off in a huff? BWAH!!!!!!!"



Well, I may not have inherited their sanity, but I did get a good dose of their sense of humor.